Into the Woods We Go
I have been asked by (a few) friends to share the goofy lyrics I wrote for the Into the Woods theme in a single list. For anyone who missed them and to those who didn’t, I offer this disclaimer: I never claimed to be the next Sondheim. In fact, as I now consider him to be an acclaimed musical sadist, I am fairly certain my aspirations lie in some other direction.
Please indulge me with just a few observations about this experience. A second disclaimer is that I am a hopeless romantic, profoundly verbose when allowed, and often moved to tears by emotion. With that, I offer the following: I am someone who has a love of theatre – musical theatre in particular. It occurs to me that my experience, from auditions to the conclusion of the run, paralleled the experience of aging in general.
Much like most young people, I was fearless and impervious in my youth. And as we age, we generally become less certain of ourselves. I am reminded of an elderly person who, because of failing vision and less certain balance, becomes highly aware of the uneven pavement as they are more fearful of falling. Not having auditioned for a show in over 30 years, I was terrified at auditions – not so much because I doubted my abilities, but because I actually had to use them. And so, when a friend asked about my performance as the Baker, “Are you fabulous?” my immediate reply was “I’m passable. And I’m surrounded by an amazing, talented cast.” Understand, please: I’m not fishing for compliments. I feel I did the role justice – to quote one review by August Krickel, “King is ‘solid’ as the Baker,” a description that would become the punchline of many jokes.
But the thing that has always been my greatest treasure – years ago, and with this show – is the collaboration – the interaction, the creation, and the connection. These are the things I have always cherished and am grateful to have experienced again with this cast. To Karly, Cat, Jackie, Paul, Becca, and Andy in particular, with whom I had more shared time on stage than others, I owe immense thanks.
While emotions expectedly ran high during our closing performance, that feeling was embodied in the last tower scene of the show, and had Paul and I, arm in arm, fighting tears and singing “No One is Alone.” That was fitting, I think. To the crew and the musicians, the level of effort you put into the show is directly related to my level of gratitude. And to Jamie, you gave me an incredible gift by taking a chance on me. Thank you for allowing this rusty @FatAssBaker to rekindle his love of theatre.
And so, as I am terrible about cast gifts and notes and such, I offer this poor gift of lyrics meant to cause eye rolls and giggles to anyone who enjoys them.
The Rehearsal Period
Into the store as always, when
Alarms go off-you wonder when…
Into the store to start your day
It’s always a new journey.
Into the woods and on the stage
with drill in hand we now can gauge
Distance and space from place to place
Oh what a happy journey!
Into the woods to film a scene
With William Starrett in between
laundry and dinner, then back home
Before the dress rehearsal.
Into the woods, the mics, the set,
The costumes-Yes, I’ll take that bet…
Knowing I can’t just blame Tourettes,
Thank God for dress rehearsals.
Into the woods for music cues,
This stuff is hard, but that’s not news.
Jump on the beat, no time to snooze
There’s more to do than sing it.
Into the woods to feed the cow,
The sitzprobe for act one showed how-
Feeding her shoes and capes endow
the cow with indigestion.
Into the woods, for tech week and
it’s preview night-I understand,
needing for my adrenal gland
to push the action forward.
Into the woods, we’re on TV
and all of us are sure to be
Ready to entertain for free
but just because it’s preview…
The Performance Period
Into the woods-so here’s the deal-
the last two months now seem surreal.
Opening night will seal the deal,
Come out and share the journey!
Into the woods, it’s Saturday,
And now our run is underway…
Whether or not you know the play
We think you will enjoy it.
Into the woods – a matinee,
today the show’s on Fathers Day!
Celebrate dads and break away
Come, let us entertain you.
Not in the woods, tonight we’re dark
But I’m not strolling in the park.
Laundry and chores, this patriarch
Has just two days to catch up.
Always the woods, no matter where
I find myself, they’re always there.
Knowing this song will haunt the air
a long time after closing.
Out to the woods I go again,
I’m Solid-yes, reviews are in.
Squeaky, again, will kick my shin-
it’s just another pratfall.
Into the woods just four more times
we’ll listen for the midnight chimes.
Tickets cost just two hundred dimes
and then we close on Sunday.
Into the woods, we’ve three more nights,
So thankful Paul has washed his tights.
Otherwise I’d ask for last rites
Our dressing room was stinky…
While on the stage in twos and threes,
It’s hot – like 98 degrees –
Thankful for bottles of Fabreeze-
I’m glad we like each other…
Just when you hear the keyboard died
And realize you can’t just hide…
Everyone took it all in stride-
the show just kept on going.
Out on the stage is where it’s at
and Courtney’s pitch pipe sang b-flat.
Theatre’s live, and so with that
I sang it a capella.
Into the woods, count down to two
Cindy’s slipper’s stuck in goo…
ultimately cause her to eschew the
Prince’s false advances.
Out in the woods I was quite shocked
to find the dressing room was locked
And that my keys therein were blocked
from starting up my Tahoe.
Out in the woods it’s only when
You find your keys are locked within
End-of-the-hall men’s room and then
Some wine you owe to Kari.
Almost the time to leave the woods
No longer selling my baked goods,
Back to the world, our livelihoods
I think I’m going to miss this.
After today I’ll surely need
another pastime for my feed.
Rhyming and couplets do impede
My early morning coffee.
Soon is the time the wood goes dark
And all in all, relit the spark.
Thinking about someone’s remark,
“What’s next on your horizon?”
Still…
Into the woods, today’s the day
We close with Sunday’s matinee-
Time to update my résumé
I’ve sung a score by Sondheim!
But into the woods.
Let go of the woods.
Go home from the woods,
but thanks for the woods…
And happy to have done it!
Epilogue 1
Gone are the woods, the stage is bare
With mixed emotions in the air.
Heading for home I am aware
I’ll soon feel melancholy.
Epiloque 2
Roses are red, and violets blue.
Into the Woods, we bid adieu.
Knowing that I’ll see each of you
again… …okay, I’m done.
